All mixed up

While the H&S hats get tighter and tighter, cutting off the blood supply to people’s common-sense areas of the brain, it is was with great interest that I decided to follow the trial of a lady who wants the right to die.  Unfortunately, I cannot find details of it anywhere on the web, not even on the dignityindeath website.  The ruling is supposed to take place next week.  As soon as I get more info I’ll add it to this post.

Today is the last day of term at school and the sun is out!  Yay!  We’re having an end-of-term picnic when we shall be saying goodbye to lots of wonderful members of staff (there are over 200 of us).  The one thing we are not saying goodbye to are those big, fat lying mirrors they’ve put up in the staff toilets.  It is a nice gesture by site staff so we can check we haven’t left our skirts tucked into our knickers with half the loo roll, but I was perfectly happy with the small vanity (says it all) mirror that allowed me to check for wonky lipstick and stray bits of spinach.  No doubt I’ll have changed my mind in another year when I’ve lost four stone and look stunningly gorgeous… then they’ll have to drag me away from the mirror!

My husband went to the doctor with a painful foot.  everyone told him it was gout but the doctor assured him it was a marching fracture and listed all the reasons why it definitely was NOT gout and why she didn’t even want to go to the trouble of doing a urine test.  This last week (when he has been on a drinking holiday with his friends) that foot has started to display all the symptoms she said she couldn’t detect.  Either my husband’s foot has hypochondria or the doctor was wrong or – and you’ll laugh – he did have a marching fracture but now has gout.  Of course, it could be something else all together, but if I had a hat I’d definitely bet on it being gout. 

Next is the astonishing news that by being a short-arse I have less of a chance of contracting cancer.  Why?  By being shorter am I too dense?  Do gravitational forces work differently and thereby counteract cancerous growth?  Perhaps it’s the blood flow – it doesn’t have as far to travel and so, uh, lasts longer?  Perhaps we don’t get as cold, being closer to the earth – but then the Inuit would have a serious problem.  If height is an issue why aren’t giraffes keeling over?  Hmm, I can see this will come back and keep me awake at two o’clock in the morning.

Any other suggestions to help my thought processes would be much appreciated.


About Bea Turvey apprentice author and witch

I am a wild-haired author who cannot stop writing. The writing process is not a task for me. It is an extension of myself. When I write, I lose myself as easily as if I slipped into the story for a swim. Writing became a serious part of my life in Decmber of 2009. Unless you're reading this in 2017 it wasn't that long ago, and the bug hit me hard and fast. My first novel, Banished, was published in March 2010 and is available at If you read it, or anything else I've written, I hope you'll post a review and let me know why you liked it - or even why not!
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