Chequered Tongues and karaoke

Smarties: Inverted Double Spiral (-1,2)

Image by gadl via Flickr

I recall as a child trying to hold several different coloured smarties on my tongue until they melted so that it my mouth would be a rainbow of colours.  It didn’t work.  I don’t know why – because I was too impatient?  Maybe the colours they used then just didn’t stain?  Perhaps because it was washed away by oral juices too quickly to take effect? 

But I don’t want to try again either.  There are so many things that I tried as a kid that I will never try as an adult: eating 4 digestive biscuits smothered in jam; wearing my clothes backwards for a day; trying to go a whole month without washing my hair; walking 2 miles, in the snow, in flip-flops to buy ice-cream…

But then, there are things I would like to experience again now I am more bloody minded and mature.  For example, today I would advise that flasher in Euston to come back when the weather was milder as every woman has seen a willyless groin; instead of punching (in the face) the big boy who was kicking my friends’ bags I would aim a lot lower; I would wear my best shoes to the beach instead of the horrid flip-flops that never stayed on and hurt my toes; I wouldn’t ask the girl I met travelling whether she was male or female… 

Then I look at my children and know that while I want them to be hip and rebellious and all the things I wish I had been, I would be mortified and extremely angry if they turned up with a pierced eyebrow and a tattoo, especially as they’re not even teenagers yet.  I wave the etiquette and decorum flag when they belch at the table, mispronounce water and question their chores.   My husband is still a big kid and understands this phase of their development far better than I can.  He will roll around on the floor playing tickling games with the children and dog, have hour-long snowball fights, indulge in ‘superior’ farting competitions with my son and play idiotic made-up games with them.  But somewhere along the line I lost that ability to be innocently silly and it was, I know, down to my mother’s insistence that I ‘behave like a lady’.  Until my children were born I hadn’t realised how very sad that is.  They urge me to play loud, raucous games with them and I try, I really do, but a large part of me is distanced from the whole experience, watching from the sidelines and trying to work out why it is fun.  If only I could pull that part of me into the game and get her to relax. 

Oh, there is one time when I can get silly and burn up the karaoke machine; it is at the post-wine-bottle phase of the evening…when the children are too tired and the dog is snoring loudly.

Inhibitions suck.

About Bea Turvey apprentice author and witch

I am a wild-haired author who cannot stop writing. The writing process is not a task for me. It is an extension of myself. When I write, I lose myself as easily as if I slipped into the story for a swim. Writing became a serious part of my life in Decmber of 2009. Unless you're reading this in 2017 it wasn't that long ago, and the bug hit me hard and fast. My first novel, Banished, was published in March 2010 and is available at If you read it, or anything else I've written, I hope you'll post a review and let me know why you liked it - or even why not!
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