I have done my bio, the book cover is being designed, my webpage is due to be launched and the only thing the publisher’s are waiting for is…a photo! Aaagh! was my first reaction. My second and third were along similar lines.
Two days and a significant number of exclamation marks later, I am resigned to having a photo taken. I did ask if the following options were acceptable: a photo taken from the back; a photo where I am holding a book up so you can’t actually see my face; does it have to be a recent one; a photo of my hands writing or a digital representation, like my profile picture. Even a caricature would be preferable as far as I am concerned.
But, I have decided that would be cheating. But I could go down the artistic route and maybe have it done in black and white, with lots of soft lighting and vaseline on the lens. One thing is for sure – the end product canot look like me!
They need it to be done soon, so I figure I have about 3 weeks to lose a few stone (yes, I said few as in more than two!), get a hair cut (I look on the hairdressing visit along the same lines as a trip to the dentist) and practice my most winning semi-smile. My friends assure me that with touch-ups the unsightly mark (which apparently only I can see) on my jaw can be erased, the lump in my nose can be smoothed out, the bags under my eyes will go on holiday and they can even put a twinkle on my eyes so I look like I’m awake.
My friends, however, have been known to tell little white lies to get me to do things before now. For example, telling me rock pools don’t smell and omitting the word ‘much’; assuring me that I am allowed one glass of red wine but the glass turned out to hold half a bottle; telling me, ‘Don’t worry about the kids, go, have a good time, we’ve had loads of experience with little ones,’ – yeah, in avoiding them!
But I shall give them the benefit of the doubt and haul out my husband’s super duper, don’t-even-look-at-it camera with all the buttons and twirly things and give it a whirl before I approach a studio. I figure that if I look half-decent when shot at home I’ll look okay after a professional shoot.
Wish me luck.
Maybe I’ll have a drink first. Where did I put that wine glass…