My children have acquainted me with a new game they have been playing at school.  First, let me just say that they are 9 and 11 and therefore extremely silly.  Ok.  The premise is that if you pass wind (you heard right) you have to say safety before someone else says doorknob.  If you are unsuccessful and the other person says doorknob then they keep hitting you until you touch a doorknob.  It is a stupid, stupid game.  My husband is in his 40s and he has started to join in.  I now see all three of them hitting each other all the time (in a very gentle manner, so please don’t call child services).  It used to be that, if they were caught unawares and were unable to leave the room, they would pardon themselves.  They were lovely delightful, polite, circumspect children.  Now, they take great delight in their body’s ability to carry a tune.

Okay, so you think I’m a bit of a prude and ought to relax.  Well, perhaps you’re right.  But now they have taken to playing the game all the time.  There aren’t any doorknobs in the car, the bus, the train or in the church.  I can only go to one supermarket with them where I have found a doorknob.  My mother-in-law, who is in her 80s, wants me to explain their strange behaviour and why they keep shouting safety every now and then.  I tried carrying around a doorknob but lost it.  My only recourse is to stop feeding them.  If nothing goes in…

If this game now travels round the world I shall be mortified.




About Bea Turvey apprentice author and witch

I am a wild-haired author who cannot stop writing. The writing process is not a task for me. It is an extension of myself. When I write, I lose myself as easily as if I slipped into the story for a swim. Writing became a serious part of my life in Decmber of 2009. Unless you're reading this in 2017 it wasn't that long ago, and the bug hit me hard and fast. My first novel, Banished, was published in March 2010 and is available at If you read it, or anything else I've written, I hope you'll post a review and let me know why you liked it - or even why not!
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2 Responses to Doorknob

  1. Linda T says:

    My son has been playing that for years, and I can never rememeber if you say “safety” or “doorknob”, so I frequently get hit too! Oh well.

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